You just got divorced a few months ago…
Your ex has already moved on and seems to have found themselves head over heels in love. Meanwhile, you’re still trying to heal from your marriage ending.
But, are they really in love, or did they just find a new security blanket?
Jumping from one relationship to another is a sign of codependency. This stems from deep-rooted insecurity and the inability to be alone most likely due to childhood wounds. Your ex needs to externally feed off the validation of their new love interest in order to feel secure within themselves because their ego is too fragile to stand strong.
But enough about your ex’s new relationship.
The real concern is they are trying to introduce the children to their new partner they have known for shorter than you can make it through a drive-thru.
The fact is, children aren’t traumatized by the divorce itself, but how their parents handle conflict and the impact of introducing new partners into their lives too soon.
Those who suffer from toxic narcissistic traits will not think twice about introducing new partners to the children. In fact, they may introduce a new partner every few months until they settle on someone.
Here Are 3 Reasons Your Ex Uses The Children As A Pawn In Their New Relationship:
1.They are trying to prove their worth
Someone who is a relationship jumper lacks self-worth. They don’t believe they are worthy on their own so they seek a relationship in order to fulfill their internal void. And, since they don’t think they are worthy of love they will use their children as a resource to try to prove they are worthy of their new partner.
2.They want to appear like a super parent
They may have been quite the neglectful partner in your marriage, but to everyone else, they want to appear as though they have it all together. So they will use the children as a way to prove to others they are Super Mom or Super Dad in order to pull at the heartstrings of their new admirers. They will most likely seek a partner who has children or is fond of children to use the children as a soft spot in getting their new partner to fall for them.
3.They can’t see outside of their own instant gratification
Those who have unresolved wounds and insecurities generally seek instant gratification in life. They are typically always looking for the next “high” in order to feel alive on the inside. They will place their new love interest above the needs of the children because they cannot be without their fix. Love is like a drug to them and they will do whatever it takes to have it, even if it means sacrificing the well-being of their children’s needs.
Because they thrive on this new partner’s validation they are blind by how it affects the children. The lack of emotional intelligence doesn’t register that this could cause the children emotional distress. And, instead of making themselves uncomfortable by not having their new partner around on nights they have the children, they will invite their new partner along. The fear of losing their new partner is greater than the fear of losing their children’s trust.
If your ex is introducing the children to new partners before they have known them for a significant amount of time, it may be best to seek advice from a co-parenting coach who can help make the best decision for the children’s lives. Need advice? Click here to talk.