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6 Ways The Narcissistic Co-parent Is Surveilling You


The reasons behind their surveilling is rooted in their desire for control and superiority. By knowing every aspect of your life, they feel better equipped to maintain manipulation and dominance. They may use any gathered information to undermine your credibility, gaslight, or create false narratives to suit their own interests and protect their self-image.

They may track you out of obsession, fear of abandonment, the reassurance you’re not moving on, the feeling of staying connected, or the need to manipulate and build a court case against you. Their motives are often driven by their own insecurities, paranoia, and their inability to peacefully move on with their lives. They often harbor resentment and deep-rooted anger due to their unresolved wounds and project this onto the co-parenting relationship.

Here are some ways narcissistic co-parents may surveil their co-parent:

  1. Constant Monitoring: A narcissistic co-parent may constantly monitor your social media accounts, online activities, and posts to gather information or find ways to provoke reactions.

  2. Tracking Communication: They might excessively scrutinize emails, text messages, or phone calls between you and the children, looking for anything they can twist or use against you.

  3. In-Person Surveillance: They may show up unannounced during exchanges or visitations, attempting to observe your behavior or searching for any perceived faults or shortcomings.

  4. Manipulating Mutual Contacts: Narcissistic co-parents might try to manipulate mutual friends, family members, or even the children to gather information or create a negative perception of you.

  5. Engaging Third Parties: They may hire private investigators or use other external resources to gain information about your activities, relationships, or personal life.

  6. Utilizing Technology: Some narcissistic co-parents might install tracking devices in vehicles, use spyware on devices, or breach your privacy by accessing personal information without consent, use playing video games or facetime calls with the children to see inside the home, implanting airtags in the kids' belongings, use the location app on the kids’ devices to know where you’re at all times.

It is essential for co-parents dealing with a narcissistic ex-partner to be aware of these potential surveilling tactics and take steps to protect their privacy and set clear boundaries to safeguard their well-being and that of their children.

If you believe you are being stalked by your co-parent or the children are being harassed and put in the middle, please feel free to check out our boundary setting method in our online course, collaborative co-parenting, or sign up for a discovery call for one-on-one assistance to regain your privacy.


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