When it comes to parenting after a separation or divorce, the focus should always be on what’s best for the children. However, in the midst of emotional upheaval and the complexities of co-parenting, it’s easy for the needs of the children to be overshadowed by the concerns of the parents. This is where a Children’s Bill of Rights can play a vital role in your parenting plan.
What is the Children’s Bill of Rights?
The Children’s Bill of Rights is a document that outlines the basic rights every child deserves, especially in the context of separated or divorced families. These rights are designed to protect the emotional and psychological well-being of the child, ensuring that their needs are prioritized above all else.
Why Include a Children’s Bill of Rights in Your Parenting Plan?
Focus on the Child’s Best Interests
The primary purpose of a Children’s Bill of Rights is to ensure that the child’s best interests are always at the forefront. It serves as a constant reminder to both parents that their child’s well-being should be the top priority, even above their personal differences.
Provides a Clear Framework
Including a Children’s Bill of Rights in your parenting plan provides a clear framework for both parents to follow. It sets expectations for how the child should be treated, regardless of the circumstances, and can help prevent disputes by establishing a mutual understanding of what’s acceptable.
Protects the Child’s Emotional Health
Divorce or separation can be incredibly challenging for children, leading to feelings of confusion, insecurity, and anxiety. A Children’s Bill of Rights ensures that both parents are committed to protecting the child’s emotional health by providing stability, love, and support.
Reduces Conflict
By having a clear set of rights that both parents agree to uphold, a Children’s Bill of Rights can help reduce conflict. It provides a reference point for resolving disputes and encourages cooperative co-parenting by focusing on what’s best for the child.
Empowers the Child
Knowing that they have certain rights can empower children, giving them a sense of security and understanding of their place in the family dynamic. It reassures them that their feelings and needs are important and will be respected.
Key Components of a Children’s Bill of Rights
While the specific rights can vary, a typical Children’s Bill of Rights might include the following:
The Right to Love and Be Loved by Both Parents
The child has the right to maintain a loving relationship with both parents without being put in the middle of their disputes.
Neither party will interrogate the child about the other party nor will either party discourage comments by the child about the other party.
Neither party will try to make the child believe he or she loves the child more than the other party by, for example, saying that he or she loves the child more than the other party or over-informing the child on adult topics or overindulging the child.
The Right to Be Protected from Conflict
The child has the right to be shielded from adult conflicts, including being used as a messenger or a pawn in disputes.
Neither party shall permit the children to overhear arguments, negotiations or other substantive discussions about legal or business dealings between the parties.
Neither party will use the child as a "middle-man" to communicate with the other party on inappropriate topics or relay adult messages.
Neither party will undermine the other party in the eyes of the child by engaging in the "circumstantial syndrome" which is done by manipulating, changing, or rearranging facts.
The Right to Express Feelings
The child has the right to express their feelings and emotions without fear of retribution or guilt.
The child has the right to request mental health services to support their emotional needs.
The Right to Maintain Relationships with Extended Family
The child has the right to continue relationships with grandparents, siblings, and other extended family members, as long as it’s in their best interest.
Neither party will directly or indirectly attack or criticize the child, the extended family of the other party, the other party's career, the living and travel arrangements of the other party, or lawful activities of the other party or associates of the other party.
The Right to Stability and Consistency
The child has the right to a stable and consistent routine, including living arrangements, schooling, extracurricular activities, and socialization with peers.
The Right to Routine Medical and Dental Care
The child has the right to routine medical and dental care to sustain their health and well-being.
The Right to Privacy
The child has the right to privacy in their communication with each parent, whether through phone calls, texts, or visits, as long as the child is not being abused or under supervised visitation.
Neither party will engage in judgmental, opinionated or negative commentary, physical inspections or interrogations once the child arrives from his/her other home.
The Right to Communication
Neither party shall deny the child reasonable use of the telephone to place and receive calls with the other party or relatives. Such use shall be private to the child without unreasonable interference such as rigid adherence to time parameters, or tying up the phone with internet connections or other calls during prescribed times, instructed disconnects for chores, dinner, etc.
Neither parent will intercept, "lose", derail, "forget" or otherwise interfere with communications to the child from the other party.
The Right to be Free From Loyalty Bonds
Neither party shall speak or write derogatory remarks about the other party to the child, or engage in abusive, aggressive, or foul language which can be overheard by the child whether or not the language involves the other party.
Neither party shall physically or psychologically attempt to pressure, attempt to influence, pressure, or influence the child concerning the personal opinion or position of the child concerning legal proceedings between the parties.
Neither party shall communicate moral judgments about the other party to the child concerning the other parties' choice of values, lifestyle, choice of friends, successes or failures in life (career, financial, relational) or residential choice.
The parties will acknowledge to the child that the child has two homes although the child may spend more time at one home than the other.
Neither party will "rewrite" or "rescript" facts which the child originally knows to be different.
Neither party will punish the child physically, use corporal punishment, or threaten such misconduct in order to influence the child to adopt the parent's negative program, if any, against the other party.
Neither party will reward the child to act negatively toward the other party. Neither party will trivialize, or deny the existence of the other parent to the child.
Neither party will say and do things with an eye to gaining the child as an "ally" against the other party.
The Right to Take Belongings and Gifts Back and Forth
Each party will respect the physical integrity of items possessed by the child which depict the other party or remind the child of the other party.
Each party will permit the child to retain, and allow easy access to, correspondence, greeting cards and other written materials received from the other party.
Each party will permit the child to carry gifts, toys, clothing and other items belonging to the child with him or her to the residence of the other parent or relatives or permit the child to take gifts, toys, clothing, and other items belonging to the child back to the residence of the other party, as the ease may be, to facilitate the child having with him or her objects important to the child. The gifts, toys, clothing, and other items belonging to the child referred to here mean items which are reasonably transportable and does not include pets (which the parties agree are impractical to move about).
The Right to Not Be Parentified
Neither party will discuss child support issues with the child.
Neither party shall suggest to the child that it is the child's option whether or not to engage in visitation during the other party's time for possession and access.
Neither party will subject the child to parental roles and responsibilities or burden the child with a parent’s need for emotional support.
The Right to Safe Transportation
Neither party will permit the child to be transported by a person who is intoxicated due to consumption of alcohol or illegal drugs, or doesn’t hold an active driver's license and car insurance.
Neither party will smoke tobacco materials inside structures or vehicles occupied at the time by the child.
Neither party should deny safety seats for children who are under age, weight, or height of the requirements.
Conclusion: A Crucial Part of Your Parenting Plan
Incorporating a Children’s Bill of Rights into your parenting plan isn’t just a good idea; it’s essential for ensuring the well-being of your child during and after a divorce or separation. It provides a solid foundation for co-parenting, helping both parents stay focused on what truly matters: the health, happiness, and security of their child.
By making a commitment to uphold these rights, you’re not only protecting your child’s present but also investing in their future. It’s a powerful step towards creating a nurturing environment where your child can thrive, regardless of the changes in family dynamics.
If you need support in creating a loop-hole-free parenting plan, schedule a consult.
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